


love-gone

by humanbehavior



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Alternate Universe - Teenagers, Angst, Enemies to Lovers, M/M, Nightmares, Teen Angst, having a fear of being loved so we push everyone away who even seems to be interested, just an extremely long one, me 🤝 xj in this fic, so basically this is a what the cool kids call, thus hurting ourselves in the end rather than accepting love, vent fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-02
Updated: 2020-06-02
Packaged: 2021-03-03 05:08:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,263
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24499204
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/humanbehavior/pseuds/humanbehavior
Summary: when you're born you can only see one specific color until of course, you meet your soulmate, then that's when you can see every single color the world has to offer to you.everyone thinks it's so great, because hey, you can only see a specific tone of a color that both you and your soulmate can see! so cute, right? dejun thinks it's fucking stupid.
Relationships: Chittaphon Leechaiyapornkul | Ten/Qian Kun, Wong Kun Hang | Hendery/Xiao De Jun | Xiao Jun
Comments: 12
Kudos: 68





	love-gone

**Author's Note:**

> when it takes u 4 months to finish a fic bcoz it addresses ur fear of being loved....ahaha sexy check 😎

when you're born you can only see one specific color until of course, you meet your soulmate, then that's when you can see every single color the world has to offer to you. 

everyone thinks it's so great, because hey, you can only see a specific tone of a color that both you and your soulmate can see! so cute, right? dejun thinks it's fucking stupid. 

i mean, don't get him wrong, it's easy to find your soulmate but the thing is out of all the colours in the world he could've gotten, he got yellow, like piss. he got piss yellow as the only color he could see. what the fuck. 

dejun looked at his locker, looking through his books he threw haphazardly in there previously, he combed a hand through his hair, "shit." 

he knew his teacher, kun, was staring at him from the classroom entrance so there was no way he could possibly leave. even though kun was dejuns english teacher and his emotional support father as he'd call him, kun still always held him responsible for everything. 

dejun slammed the locker door shut, what was he even supposed to do? look kun in the eyes and say "my bad! sorry i forgot the book we're doing an entire unit on!" 

"hey," someone said next to him and dejun quickly looked up. the boy had dark long hair that fell beneath his cheekbones. 

"i like your sweater," the boy says, with a soft smile on his lips. dejun looks down at his sweater, god he hated it. it was fucking piss yellow. 

"you like my sweater?" dejun says confused, it was the ugliest sweater he owned, he didn't even know why he bought it. dejun pauses, looking at the boy who was now in full color, across from him who had the the stupidest grin on his face, the boy chuckles awkwardly.

"....what?" 

  
  


kun, who still stood across the hallway, watching this interaction, looked over to ten, his husband who was standing outside his classroom next to each other. 

"i think dejun just found his soulmate," kun says happily. he knew dejun was sometimes hard to deal with but he's glad he found his soulmate who looked like he'd treat him right.

ten furrows his eyebrows, as he watches guanheng grin while dejun looks annoyed if anything else. "he looks upset," ten comments.

"really?" kun asks.

"uh, yeah," ten says and they go back to watching the two in interest, curious as to what'll happen next as if it was some kind of reality tv show. 

"we're not being soulmates, " dejun says sternly as he steps closer to the boy and guanheng is almost offended. 

people are starting to look and surround the two whilst recording. kun at this point knows he should tell people to carry on and continue on with their business but he's interested in what's happening, too. 

"why?" guanheng asks and dejun rolls his eyes before saying, 

"because you're fucking ugly!" 

kun groans, covering his face in embarrassment, why did he brag about dejun multiple times calling him sweet and nice, when he goes and does this in public. 

guanheng grins, "says you." 

this time, it's ten that groans next to kun in embarrassment. why, why did ten influence him like this, jesus christ. 

"i'm ugly?" dejun asks, getting closer to the boy. guanheng nods, looking down at the other, "yeah? what about it?" 

dejun sighs, backing up, tightening his fingers into a fist. dejun turns away and kun expects it to be over until dejun quickly turns back to face guanheng and punches him in the face. kun freezes, staring at ten in shock trying to process what had just happened. kuns brain takes a time to reload before he and his husband, ten, are pulling both the boys away from each other whilst they yell profanities and insults at each other. 

* * *

  
  


kun stares at the boy with delicate features with an eyebrow raised. he can't believe the school is making him do this. they should've gotten an actual therapist not like, their favorite teacher to scold them, jesus. 

"so," kun gulps, "i assume you know why you're here."

dejun shrugs, "somewhat." 

kun sighs, rubbing his own temples, "what do you mean by somewhat?"

"what i mean, " dejun says, leaning back in the creaky old desk chairs, "is i understood that like i fought guanheng or whatever and that's why i'm here but like, in all honesty, i don't see what was completely wrong with that."

"really? you don't see anything wrong with it?" kun deadpans. kun may have seen dejun as his child but man, did he pray for his actual birth parents. 

"i mean he called me a little bitch," dejun shrugs.

kun sighs, "he did not call you a little bitch, dejun. i heard everything that came out of his mouth, i was watching you two." 

"did too." 

"did not." 

"did too." 

kun sighs. what was he even doing arguing with a seventeen year old child? never once did he ever think in his career would he be doing this as an english teacher. 

"he did not," kun states, "i'm already disappointed in you for not bringing the great gatsby. don't make me be disappointed in lying about whatever your soulmate said." 

"he's not my soulmate," dejun says, furrowing his eyebrows, "why would you ever think that?"

"dejun," kun begins, "what colour is my shirt?" 

without any hesitation in his voice, dejun quickly answers, "red." 

a smile slowly reaches his way up to kuns lips and dejun has just now realized what he did. 

dejun groans, crossing his arms across his chest, "first of all, why would you even do that? second off, fuck you." 

kun chuckles, "i know your colour is piss yellow as you've told me before so believe it or not, guanheng is unfortunately your soulmate. " 

dejun groans, sliding down the plastic blue chair he was sat in, "can't i get a refund or something?" 

"you can't get a refund on your soulmate, dejun. that's insane. plus, you can't get a refund for something you never paid for in the first place."

"...shit." 

there's a knock at the dark, hardwood door and both kun and dejun look up to see who's at the door. the door slowly opens and it's guanheng. dejun stares at him with a piercing gaze and gunaheng sighs, 

"i'm not here to talk to  _ you _ ."

he says it as if wanting or even thinking about talking to the boy was a disgusting sin that was never to be spoken about. guanheng turns to look to kun, 

"uh, ten said he was going home, so he told me to tell you-" guanheng pulls out a wrinkled folded paper from his back pocket, "see you at home." guanheng squints at the paper, trying to read tens illegible handwriting. guanheng sighs, walking over to kun, "i can't fucking read this." 

kun looks at the paper with a soft smile laid upon his lips, "it says don't stay out too long. it's not that hard to read it." 

dejun peeks up from where he's slumped on his chair, "that's literally not even real writing it's just like, scribbles." 

the writing on the note is like a doctor's note- scribbled lines and circles which was illegible cursive. both guanheng and dejun had no idea how kun read the handwriting. 

kun looks up at dejun, "when you've been with your soulmate for a long time, you get used to it. so," he looks between guanheng and dejun, "you should probably try and get used to it. you're with him for the rest of your life." 

"ew," guanheng says, "i don't want to be with you for the rest of my life."

dejun puts a hand on his chest as if he were offended by what guanheng had said, "fuck you, i'm an absolute gift to be around. you would be  _ so  _ lucky to have me for the rest of my life."

"i would literally kill myself or go insane if i had to be with you for that long. "

"who said you were living long?" 

kun watched the two bicker back and forth, he sighed in his seat watching as the two looked back at him with confusion written all over both of their faces. 

"if you two aren't going to fight, i'll be leaving now." kun says as he slowly gets up from his chair and picks his briefcase up. the boys both look at each other with disdain strong in their eyes and dejun, unable to leave guanheng alone no matter what, gets the last word: "fuck you." 

as dejun walks out the door, with guanheng still standing in the classroom with kun who holds the door open, guanheng replies without a beat, "piss off, shorty."

dejun stops in his tracks and tilts his head to the side with his eyebrows furrowed, "'piss off'? what are we in, england?" he says, completely ignoring the comment about his height, or there lack of. dejun imitates the accent that sounds closer to an indie singers accent rather than a british person, "oi piss off mate! ya fuckin' wanker-" 

kun sighs, watching the scene from afar even though it was cute, he still had to get home, "hey either fight in like two minutes or get out of my class and fight in the parking lot so i can go home, choose one." 

guanheng left the class, dragging his body as if it weighed a million pounds, "come on dejun, let's go beat the shit out of each other in the parking lot." 

kun locked his classroom door, waving goodbye to the other teachers that were still in their classrooms. kun had hoped that the boys were joking and that he wouldn't show up to the two covered in bruises tomorrow because if he did, he did not know the two nor did he encourage it. 

* * *

once kun got home, he was quickly greeted by two children- his children, renjun who was four and chenle who was two. kun set his bag down on the floor as he picked up both renjun and chenle. kun knows it was probably bad for him to carry both of them at the same time when he would probably drop both of them if he wasn't paying attention but he didn't want any of them to feel excluded if he only carried one of them. 

"how was your day?" he asked both of them even though he knew renjun would always answer first just because he had a bigger vocabulary than the other. 

"oh!" renjun said, "today in class we um, learned how to spell colors and i was watching voltron with like, all the colors an' an' an'," renjun kept repeating. alright, he takes back what he said about the big vocabulary but maybe he can still redeem it. 

"and?" kun asked, wanting to know more. 

renjun stared at kun blankly, "yeah." 

nevermind. 

"alright," kun said, setting them back down to the ground, "go play. " 

kun soon found his husband in their room, typing away at his laptop on their bed. kun presses a soft kiss on tens scalp and sits down on their bed, resting his head on the other man's shoulder. 

"hey." tens says, acknowledging his presence but never looking up from his laptop. kun softly smiles, looking up at ten, who has his glasses perched on the edge of his nose bridge. kun never feels anything except love around the other man, and not because he was his soulmate; even if he weren't, kun would know because he felt like he knew him already, like his childhood home, he already knew you before he knew him. 

"so how was your meeting thing with dejun?" ten asks, looking at kun. 

kun shrugs, averting his eyes to space in between their hands, waiting to be closed. 

"it was okay, i just-" kun sits up from the bed, facing ten, "they're so difficult, i mean, they like hate  _ hate  _ each other. every time they see each other, they just make fun of each other and cuss, like a lot."

ten sighs, "some people show their love differently. eventually, they'll probably be able to show it like, healthily. i mean, they're teenagers, kun. give them time. plus, you remember when we first saw each other?"

kun sighs, he does. when kun first saw ten, it was in an extremely crowded hallway in highschool, which was probably one of the worst situations you could ever find your soulmate in. instead of attempting to find who his soulmate was, he turned around and avoided crowds for as long as humanly possible. he didn't feel bad about it, he just felt that he wasn't ready to face his soulmate. that is until ten had written something on twitter about it and it went viral so kun had finally decided to come clean. it took a long time for ten to trust him especially as he could've been lying about his colour but it worked out in the end. 

ten sighs, "give them time."

* * *

  
  


weeks had passed by and the situation with making guanheng and dejun tolerate or even like each other wasn't even going too well. it was until kun had left early and needed dejun to tell ten that he'd left early. dejun sighs as he looks at the neat handwriting that looked as if it was printed. 

"total opposites…" dejun mumbled. 

as dejun walked into the classroom and with a quick look around, he realized that ten wasn't even there. dejun sighed, there was nothing to do. 

well, not nothing. i mean he could watch the only student in the classroom paint a realistic person. now even though dejun wasn't all that experienced in art and all but he knew how hard it was to even begin to paint realistically but  _ damn,  _ this kid made it look easy. 

the kid outreached their hands towards dejun and all he could do was furrow his eyebrows. what did this person want? 

their head turned towards dejun and they had black wavy hair that rested barely below his cheekbones. they had soft neutral features and their lips, god- 

_ oh fuck, they were moving. _

_ were they saying something to him? _

_ fuck.  _

"hey, hand me the fucking paper, hellen keller." he said as dejun realized and passed it. 

oh god, it was guanheng. 

"hellen keller was both blind and deaf so even if i was her, i still wouldn't be able to either way."

guanheng waved his hand, shaking the other off, "yeah, yeah. whatever you say."

"she really was, though! who the fuck would lie about it?" 

guanheng sighed as he read over the piece of paper. he swiftly handed the paper back to dejuns hands, "she was born in the nineteenth century, she probably wanted all the attention she could get. also, ten isn't here. he went to the really nice teacher's bathroom so he won't be back for like, ten minutes." 

dejun sighed as he sat down on the closest bar stool. guanheng lifted an eyebrow, 

"dude, what the fuck are you doing?"

dejun smiles sweetly at him and guanheng swears he can see sparkles shining in his almond eyes. 

"i'm gonna watch you paint. and wait for ten but mostly the first one." 

guanheng sighed, going back to his painting. dejun watched with admiration in his eyes, warmth vibrating off of him. dejun swung his legs as he sat on the chair like a small child. 

ten, who was outside of the classroom, looked inside and almost screamed the minute he saw the two. ten quickly got his phone out of his back pocket and texted kun. 

**ten** : shhdhjsbs DEJUN AND GUANHENG ARE DOIN THE THING OH MY GODBHDBDJSVJSBSJ

**ten** : [picture attached]

  
  


kun, who was at home picked up his phone when he had heard the vibration of his phone. kun furrows his eyebrows at both the picture and the text. he stares at the photo confused before sending multiple texts to ten. 

**kun** : the thing? 

**kun** : they're just talking? i dont get it

kun stares at the photo ten had sent, examining it closer. dejun was sat on a bar stool staring at a painting- guanhengs painting. dejun had a sparkle in his eyes and a small smile. he was smiling at guanheng. that was the first time he'd ever seen dejun smiling, or even happy in the presence of the other boy. kun stops and texts back without another thought.

**kun** : wait 

**kun** : OH MY GODBDUHDOWHHDHISGQIBS I-

meanwhile back in the classroom, guanheng glanced towards the door, checking for ten only to notice there was someone standing by it. guanheng set down his paint brush on top of his mug full of paint water. dejun watched as guanheng walked over to the door and opened it slowly, looking at whoever was beside it. 

guanheng lifted an eyebrow to see ten standing by the door with his phone in hand and a small smile laid upon his lips. guanheng cleared his throat in order to get his attention and once he did get it, tens smile quickly dropping. 

"so… how long have you been standing outside of the door?" guanheng asks with a grin on his face. ten opens his phone and checks his phone from when he first sent the two texts to kun. 

"uh, like five minutes, maybe?" ten shrugs. i mean, he really wasn't good with numbers. 

guanheng stares at him for an uncomfortable ten seconds before he turns to dejun who was still sitting on the bar stool. 

"hm?" dejun asks, knowing the boy must've wanted  _ something  _ if he even dared to look at the other. 

"the paper. get me the paper." guanheng says as if that was extremely obvious, which it really wasn't. 

"my bad," dejun says sarcastically as he gets up from his chair and hands the paper to guanheng, "didn't know soulmates had the power of fucking telepathy now, damn." 

ten freezes. 

_ soulmates.  _

_ dejun just acknowledged them as soulmates.  _

_ what the fuck.  _

  
  


so like any normal person, the minute ten gets home, he's screaming like a maniac. as ten slips off his shoes by the entryway and sets his bag down, he shouts, "kun! kun listen!" 

ten looks around to see literally nobody around, it's empty. ten sighs, combing through his hair with his hand, he mutters underneath his breath, "jesus fuck, where did they go?" 

ten quickly walks around the house as fast as he can, which by that point it's basically running until he hears small giggles coming from their room. ten opens the door and finds both chenle and renjun sat on kuns lap, in front of his laptop. ten smiles and gives a soft peck to kuns cheek before he looks at him with a certain look in his eyes that kun knows something happened. 

all kun says is "spill," and ten is immediately rambling like he'd die if he even took a breath. 

"so listen. i like sent you those pictures, right?" kun nods. "right! so anyway, guanheng like found me blah blah.  _ no, he didn't know i sent those pictures _ . anyway, he just asked me how long i was standing there and i was like  _ um, like five minutes, chill.  _ so then guanheng looks at dejun and you know, jun is obviously confused but anyway, guanheng literally just wanted the paper and dejun said, and i quote, "didn't know soulmates had the power of fucking telepathy now, damn"" 

kun cuts in, "no cussing in front of the kids." 

"right," ten turns to them and quickly apologizes, "sorry." he goes back to continuing the story, "soulmates! kun, dejun acknowledged them as soulmates! and not like the sarcastic way, in the like, kind of genuine way." 

"question," kun says and when ten gives him the go ahead, he continues, "does guanheng refer to their relationship as soulmates?" 

"yes, always. kun i really think you got the more difficult one because i truly think guanheng like, genuinely loves him." ten says as if it were obvious, which it really wasn't until now but god, kun really didn't notice huh? 

ten stares at kuns blank, almost shocked face and he says, "well, now that you're aware of it, try to do something about it, okay? i know he's difficult but try. for the both of them." 

* * *

kun doesn't know how to approach what ten had said. it'd been weeks later, which he's actually kind of embarrassed admitting that but things take time, you know. it was such a simple idea but it'd probably work to get the boys' emotions out onto paper. 

"so," kun says as his class settles down and class officially begins, "today we're doing something different and i am just now realizing most of you will hate me for it but whatever, you know."

most of the students are whispering, including dejun which isn't surprising at all. 

"you're going to write about love." kun says, "it doesn't matter if it's negative or positive. there's no maximum number of pages, just make sure it's over a paragraph long. it'll be due by next week." 

and with that, the assignment or, operation: get dejun to talk about his feelings, would officially begin. 

after the bell rings, dejun immediately walks over to kuns desk. 

"are you kidding me." dejun deadpans. kun knows the boy hates him right now especially in these times but you know, it'll probably work out at one point. 

kun takes a sip of his coffee before setting it down and saying, "yes?" as if it wasn't obvious the boy was struggling with even the mention of love. 

"can't i get like, an alternative essay or something?"

kun sighs, "no. dejun this is the easiest assignment i've ever done. so, sorry to say this but you literally have to do this. plus, it's an easy one hundred." 

dejun sighs, "fine." and with that, he leaves the classroom and continues with the rest of his day. 

later that night, dejun sits at his desk with an open laptop and an empty document in front of him. he doesn't know what to do, he's never felt anything even similar to love. he doesn't think he ever would, i mean it's not a necessary emotion, he thinks. well, maybe it is. he loves his friends and he loves kun, the only teacher that actually allowed him to be a brat without getting in trouble and accepting it as his personality. 

the only person he thinks he can ever love is well, guanheng. it's extremely obvious because they're soulmates so why wouldn't they be? 

guanheng is insufferable, dejun will admit, but that doesn't necessarily mean he hates him. guanheng does have good qualities and plus, he's very nice to look at. 

the look of a stray eyelash just below his eye, lay upon his skin almost like an angel. just a glance of an angel just to remind him that everything would turn out fine. everything between guanheng and him would turn out fine, the stray eyelash would remind him. although it seems stupid to people like you, who have the idea of small, silly things like a fucking eyelash not meaning anything, it does. it does to him. maybe it's because he's never been loved by anyone. he's never had a crush. never had a secret admirer. never had anyone to spend the rest of their lives with. never had anyone say their name in a specific way that makes it sound like home. maybe one day he'd know what it'd be like to be loved but for now, that singular eyelash holds a reminder that one day, maybe not now,  _ you will be loved _ . 

dejun stared at the blank document in silence. he'd been thinking too much about love and how much guanheng was basically the only person he'd be able to love even if he didn't want to. dejun groaned, rubbing his hands across his face. 

"okay, fuck. stop thinking about that." dejun said to himself as if saying it aloud would make it any easier. he couldn't though, he couldn't stop thinking about his grin when his eyes would disappear into his cheeks and the soft touch of his hands as if when guanheng wanted something but would never ask for it, afraid of the answer. or maybe even when guanheng would brush against him accidentally and quickly move on while dejun would stand breathlessly. 

fuck, dejun thought, this was bad like, so bad he might have to go off and change his identity. he loves him. 

a week later when the papers are due and they have to turn them in, they do busy work since kun hadn't really planned what to do whilst he graded papers. dejun is working on a worksheet when yukhei, a student in the small table of four, speaks up. 

"so, how do you guys think you did on the essay? especially since it was so sudden," he said without even looking up from his paper. 

"uh, i think i did good. i mean the minimum was a paragraph so i'm pretty sure i did well," mark spoke up, looking up from his paper. 

"really?" donghyuck asked him, furrowing his eyebrows, "i mean just because the minimum was barely anything doesn't mean he won't think your writing is bad. anyway, i think i did kind of bad, honestly."

"really?" mark lifted an eyebrow, "i honestly doubt that."

"what about you xiaojun?" yukhei asked using his nickname that he'd been so persistent on giving him, "how'd you think you did?" 

donghyuck scoffs, "yukhei, i'm one thousand percent sure he did good. i mean, he has a soulmate. he automatically did good, you know."

dejun sighs, and he felt as if the next words came through his teeth, "yes i have a soulmate. that doesn't mean i know shit about love." 

mark shrugs, "that's okay, i'm sure you did good though!" he says it with a soft meaningful grin on his lips. god, mark really was an angel who didn't even know it. 

donghyuck furrows his eyebrows at what dejun had said, "so you're basically saying you don't love him?"

"well what the fuck do you want me to say?  _ yes? _ " dejun says aggressively. at this point other students are looking back at their group from their spots in the classroom. 

donghyuck sighs and lowers his voice, "look dejun i've known you for a long time and at this point, i only have one thing to ask you:  how long can you keep wanting something and not asking for it ?" 

dejun furrows his eyebrows as donghyuck packs up his stuff and leaves as soon as the bell rings. his timing was good. as dejun begins to leave the classroom, kun stops him. 

"i know. you know exactly what i'm going to say." 

dejun is speechless, "uh no, i actually don't so go on about whatever you were going to say." 

"oh okay," kun says, looking slightly confused, "come talk to me after school about your essay." 

dejun internally groans, fuck. first donghyuck being in his business about love and his soulmate (which wasn't even his business in the first place) and now the essay. could it possibly get any worse? 

* * *

  
  


it could get worse, apparently. 

the minute dejun steps into kuns empty classroom afterschool and the minute he saw kun reading over the essay whilst sat across from him, dejuns eyes began to well up with tears. kun looks up from where he was rereading the essay and the minute he sees dejun, his eyebrows go up and his eyes sparkle- like an angel. 

kun makes his way around the desk and makes himself at the same eye level as dejun. he grips his hands carefully, not wanting to hurt him any further, 

"hey, hey. what's going on jun?" kun asked in a soft, comforting voice which wasn't even all that different from his regular speaking voice. 

dejun cannot even answer because  _ he doesn't know _ . he doesn't know why he's crying or why he almost lashed out at donghyuck today when in reality he was trying to help probably but god dejun was just so fucking stupid wasn't he? i mean it probably would've helped him if for once he let him speak, not everything had to be about him for fucks sake- 

"is it okay if i close the door?" 

kun voice awakens him from his train of thoughts that would've gone very, very bad within seconds if kun hadn't spoken. dejun nods slowly and as kun gets up to close the door, dejun realizes he hadn't even realized it was open. kun comes back and sits next to dejun. not in front but beside him as if he had no authority now. 

kun leans over the desk and grabs at the essay and looks at the essay then dejun, "i didn't tell you to come here just so i could actually talk about the essay, you know that, right?"

dejun nods. 

kun stares at the essay once again. it was so tender and yet, dejun still claimed he didn't like the other. 

"all this," kun says, still holding the paper in his hands, "yet you still claim you don't love him. why?"

dejun looks up from where he had been previously staring at his hands nervously, "i wanted to feel love without feeling like i was begging for it." 

"so, you acknowledge you love him though?" kun asks and although he's probably trying to get dejun to confess, all he can see in kuns eyes is utter sincerity. 

"i think i like him," dejun finally says and all kun can do is raise an eyebrow in response and reply,

"like? or-"

dejun cuts him off, "i'm afraid to say the stronger word."

* * *

  
  


ten nor kun know what to do. all they've been doing is trying to get dejun to fall in love with guanheng and somehow admit his feelings and now he did. kind of, but it still counted, he said his feelings to someone. obviously it wasn't guanheng but it was still progress. 

kun and ten were stuck. 

until one day ten burst through his class while it was still in session, as usual. 

"kun, listen to me," ten said as he walked in on him teaching. kun stared at him with eyes that basically said  _ what the hell are you doing _ with the marker he gripped in between his fingers tightly, his fingertips almost going white. 

"hi ten!" one of his students greeted him, probably johnny. 

ten politely smiled towards the boy and lowered his voice to speak to kun, "it's about guanheng and dejun."

kun capped the marker and looked back at his students who were already conversing loudly. kun turned to ten, 

"look, talk to me after this class. that's my conference period. plus, your students are well behaved so you could leave them for the entire period anyway." 

ten throws his head back groaning but nonetheless he still compiles, "alright, fine. see ya." 

and with that he leaves the classroom. 

kun turns back to his class who are practically screaming at this point, he claps twice loudly that he swore that he could've heard an echo, "alright! as i was saying… "

once the bell rings for the class to leave, ten immediately goes into kuns'. kun sighs as he puts paper on his desk- probably some work sheets he had assigned. ten greets him with open arms- literally. he comes into the classroom nearly running to go hug kun. kun almost falls down from the pressure of ten running into him but somehow stabilizes himself. ten presses a soft kiss to kuns cheek before saying, "so as i was saying before you told me to fuck off-"

"i never said that." kun replies as he closes the door. kun sits down on the chair at his desk as ten continues speaking,

"anyway like i was saying, before you shut me out of your classroom, i  _ was  _ going to say something important pertaining to both dejun and guanheng. " 

kun stared at him, waiting to go on and ten stared back at him. 

"oh, did you want me to go on?" ten asked. 

kun let out a soft chuckle, "yes, that would be nice of you to do." 

"anyway," he continued, "nakamoto told me there was a week-long trip that both guanheng and dejun signed up for. details aren't important but that's the information i know for right now." 

"nakamoto?" kun asks. he only knows everyone by their first name so he has no idea who this nakamoto guy is. 

ten sighs, his shoulders drooping down, "yuta." 

"oh," kun says, realization on his face the minute his name leaves tens' mouth. 

"we're not going on the trip, right? because you know they'll know what's going on if we're there." kun says. 

"see, you're getting it." ten says with a mischievous grin on his face. 

"yuta is going to room together guanheng and dejun, i asked him to do so." 

kun nods, "alright and what if guanheng trades with other students." 

"see what's great about this trip is that literally none of his friends are going and we know he's kind of awkward so-" 

"he won't even ask people to trade roommates?" kun continues off of what ten was saying. ten nods. 

kun throws his head back gleefully, "oh thank god." 

* * *

  
  


yuta really and i mean,  _ really  _ doesn't know why kun and ten are so set on making guanheng and dejun like each other. it was so obvious they didn't but whatever, he'll try to set them up to make the other two happy. the bus ride to the hotel was awkward. not for yuta but for the two boys he was supposed to be secretly setting up. even though they were the only person they knew on this trip, they didn't even dare to sit next to each other or look at each other. in fact, guanheng had sat next to a girl who on her way to the hotel, she had decided on telling him about her entire life. so yeah, yuta would say it was not going as planned. 

as yuta was assigning who was rooming with who in the hotel, he could sense guanheng giving him a look for an extremely obvious reason. 

"-and wong guanheng with xiao dejun." 

"you're kidding me." guanheng says, groaning. 

yuta furrows his eyebrows and stares at him in confusion, "what? they're organized alphabetically by your last name. you can't be mad that your last name is wong." 

"uh, actually,  _ yes i can _ . secondly, yukhei and i share the same last name, why am i not rooming with him?" 

yuta shrugs, "maybe because i don't know, he's already rooming with someone else." 

"who? nobody else has the same last name as him except for me so it makes  _ no _ sense why you roomed me with dejun." now guanheng was an actually really calm and nice person sometimes but never once had yuta seen someone get so worked up about not getting a specific roommate which in this situation, was someone he didn't even know, they just had the same last name. 

"actually it does make sense if you know the alphabet. w comes before x. now go off to your room," and with the wave of yutas' hand, he and dejun are off to their room. what was odd however was how dejun didn't even attempt to argue it was almost as if he were happy about the arrangement. 

as soon as they reach their room and set their bags down on the bed they wanted, dejun finally speaks up, "okay, that's your side of the room and this is mine," he gestures towards his bed, "if you ever cross over the lamp in the middle, i will kill you in your sleep." 

dejun seemed oddly aggressive about the marking of their own territory as if dejun didn't want to interact with the other at all. over the next few days, dejun didn't even dare to speak to guanheng. infact, he hadn't spoken to anyone except yuta. guanheng wanted to understand him, and he hoped dejun wanted the same. guanheng didn't want to pry at it but he wanted to so,  _ so  _ badly. he needed to know what was wrong but he knew dejun wouldn't give that to him. 

of course at one point in this trip, someone would ruin something. that's how it always goes. 

guanheng is scrolling through his phone in bed, trying to fall asleep (though he didn't actually feel tired in any way so he didn't see the point of what he was doing.) everything was fine, you know? that's how everything always starts- fine until it escalates into something so bad that makes you ask: " _ where did i go wrong? _ " 

guanheng hears soft sniffling and he doesn't think much of it- maybe dejun had allergies? yes, that was it. it was nothing to be concerned about. the more that time went on, the more guanheng couldn't deny it. he was concerned about dejun. not just now but always. guanheng turns to look at dejun and god, his heart drops. dejuns eyes are closed but his eyes and practically screaming with tears rolling down his cheeks and his breath seems to quicken. 

fuck. 

guanheng lifts his blankets and crosses over to dejuns bed. even though he's extremely aware that dejun said he would kill him if he even crossed the bedside table but whatever, that doesn't matter now. 

"hey, hey." guanheng whispers but it doesn't even seem to affect him. guanheng ran a hand through his hair, he really didn't know what to do. 

guanheng grips dejuns shoulders and only then he wakes up, his eyes widening. before guanheng can even ask him what's wrong, dejun hugs him and shoves his head into the crook of guanhengs neck. guanheng slowly sits down on the edge of the bed where dejun subconsciously moved. it's silent between the two of them until dejun calms down as time passes. dejun separates from the other and they look at each other for what feels like an eternity. guanheng doesn't know why he does this, why he thought it was even a good idea in the first place. maybe he thought it'd be comforting. he doesn't know. 

dejuns lips were still salty with tears as guanheng kisses him. after it's over, guanheng doesn't think he messed it up for once because dejun asks him with his eyes still glossy, 

"i don't deserve it, do i?"

guanheng frowns, he doesn't know what he was even talking about. 

"deserve what?" 

it's silent between the two of them and dejun finally says it as if he had been holding it in for his entire life, "love. " 

"you do. i know that you do." 

"how do you know that?" guanheng doesn't know why he said it, it seemed like a good idea at the moment but looking back on it- it was such a bad idea. he doesn't even know why it popped up in his head to say it. 

"because i love you." 

and with those three words, only then did guanheng realize: he ruined everything by saying it out loud. 

* * *

dejun avoids him for the rest of the trip. guanheng doesn't know what to do so he does what a semi-normal person would do: he texts his emotional support teacher to ask to speak to his husband the minute he gets back from the trip. ten must know something is up because he doesn't ask what happens, he replies with a simple okay. 

once guanheng actually meets with kun (and ten in the corner grading assignments, but he doesn't interfere that much so, is he really there?) it's much scarier than anything he's ever done. maybe it's the nice, polite smile on his face that could easily turn evil that scares him or maybe it's the fact that he has to tell him that "hey i accidentally kissed my soulmate and i think he hates me but i'm not too sure but basically what i'm saying is i need you to speak to him for me because i'm a coward." 

kun stares at guanheng as he paces back and forth in the classroom, he's gonna be honest, if the way he was acting is not up to par with the situation he might just smack him. 

ten speaks up from where he's sat next to kun, "guanheng just tell him. i'm sure what you did wasn't that bad, i think." 

maybe ten says that because he too, has no idea what he did and just wants him to say it but that's what makes him spill.

"i kissed dejun and i may have told him that i loved him and I'm one thousand percent sure he hates me now." 

kun sighs, "why would you say that?"

"it was in the heat of the moment." kun sighs and guanheng thinks kun will say something like, "oh, i'll talk to him!" or something like that but he doesn't. 

all he says is, "i can't help anymore. this isn't my problem anymore. you have to solve this." 

guanheng almost wants to snap and scream and cry at him to tell him to help him but he's right. he caused this, he has to make it right. 

guanheng leaves his classroom and immediately finds himself face to face with dejun. he doesn't know whether dejun was waiting for him or kun. it doesn't matter at this point. 

"dejun, be honest with me." said boy looks at him with those good awful soft eyes that make guanheng melt but it was not the time for that. 

"do...do you love me?" dejun sighed. love. love was such a bad fucking feeling. he hated it. love, what was love? how do you know what love was? did he miss a day in school where they had taught about love? he doesn't know what it's like to be loved, so he can't answer a question like that. is it supposed to feel good? he doesn't know so he stares at guanheng in silence. 

"we kissed." guanheng says, dejun stares at him with no sign of significance to him. 

"does that not mean anything to you?"

"no, it doesn't!" dejun shouts, "you...you don't get it, do you?" he asks softly and all guanheng can do is tilt his head and ask, 

"what exactly don't i get?"

and maybe it was the way that he said those words or maybe it was just the words themselves. guanheng doesn't know because he would never understand dejun and maybe that was a part of love. not ever knowing your partner enough but if that was true, then why was everyone so happy? soulmates were supposed to bring you happiness and true love but this? this was anything but happiness. so maybe….just maybe sometimes soulmates were never meant to- 

_ no, stop.  _

guanheng wants to cry but he can't. he doesn't want dejun to feel bad and if he did that, he would never forgive himself. 

dejun sighs and by what he says, he's been holding it in for a long time, "to love me is the greatest insult." 

guanhengs breath hitches and his eyes as quickly as the other boy says those words, gloss over. tears spill from his eyes slowly and with the quick swipe of his fingertips, angrily he responds, 

"well then i guess i've been insulted the most."

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> >:) 
> 
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> 
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